Tuesday, February 17, 2009

With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?


Last week I was in Orlando for work and was lucky enough to catch up with family, and then spend the weekend with one of my besties, "A." Overall it was a fantastic trip and hey, 80 degree weather! What a shocker to return to Virginia and the temperature be 39!

The visit with "A" did leave me with a bit of a helpless feeling and I've been worrying about it for days now. "A" has been friends with "M" for almost 25 years. Understandably they have been through a ton together and have witnessed the ups and downs of each other's lives over the years. Only thing is, "M" is a complete a$shole. While he is polite and tolerable to everyone else, he is degrading, jealous, disloyal, mean, and downright cruel to "A". It hurts "A" very deeply but despite how bad he is treated and how many times he has asked "M" to stop, he continues the friendship.

I, as well as many of his other friends, have tried expressing our concern about this relationship many times. NOBODY deserves to be treated like this, especially "A." He has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone. He is there for his friends no matter what with no strings attached.

Even though "A" and "M" are not romantically involved, "A" is in a textbook abusive relationship. He is in denial and constantly makes excuses for "M"'s behavior. He can't seem to move past the excuse that he and "M" have history, and it's important to keep those ties in your life. I appreciate the history, but I can't make him see that the history he has been creating the last few years is full of hurt and very unhealthy. Friends are supposed to build you up, not tear you down.

Can anyone recommend any books or support groups that I can suggest to "A?" Even though I am 14 hours away, I would like to get some resources in his hands. I doubt they will help, but I have to try. Afterall, that's what real friends do.

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